"Is it true that Mark pranced around the office, tossing out ice cream bars like daisies?"

Heather: What would you do if I went to California with Kyle by myself?
Jennfer: I don't think I would approve.
Heather: It's not like we're going to be fornicating.
Kyle: Oh...we're not?
Heather: Uh...does that mean I'm out? Darn, I'll have to find something else to do April 16th.

"While it lasted...but it left me with indigestion."

Glory be! I'm free from studying for the next two months!

For your enjoyment, a typo from my notes on estates:

"In presence of witnesses who sin in the presence of each other."

Ho ho!

"Can I call you Bobby?"

Today, I played Oregon Trail to celebrate Chinese New Year - the year of the ox. And it was brilliant. By which I mean the fellow I was playing with got sick and died, and everyone else on my wagon came down with a nasty case of the runs.

And I also swapped out the fortunes in fortune cookies with some better ones, like this little gem:

"You will die alone."

It was a good night.

"My glutes are aching!" "Do you want me to massage them for you?"

Confession:

I have a tall bed. For months now, I've been harboring a not-so-secret desire to buy a mini trampoline for my bedroom so that I can jump on it and fly on to my bed. Doesn't that sound fabulous?

Hey! Stop your judgin'.

"My gaydar isn't fine tuned."

Today I went to a party where I met a boy and we talked about menstruation.

There is a first time for everything.

Oh, and let the record show that I did not bring that topic up.

Baby, it's cold outside

Today, it snowed like crazy. As in the wrath of Mother Nature was beating down upon us like a woman scorned.

(at work)

Coworker: I don't think your little car will make it home!
Heather: I know....I might die.

(later)

Heather: I bequeath to you all the office supplies in my cubicle.

"We hide our flaws until after the wedding!" - Name that movie (not Jennifer)

Happy Winter Solstice! This evening I ate dark chocolate to celebrate the darkest day of the year.


Hey! Stop judgin'.