It's such a mystery why I don't have a boyfriend

Ladies and gentlemen, with only slight apprehension I present to you...

Girls Gone Wild: Chubby Bunny Edition.

What can I say? I have no shame.

It all started out innocently enough.

Jennifer and I were the first to go on Mallow #5. Curse you, genetics and our non-stretchy cheeks.

Our winner, "Messica," promised to hurt me if I posted pictures of her, so here's our first runner up, Priscilla, in all her glory:

I dare say, I think that the chipmunk look is very good for me:

Yes, that is a yellow plastic ring shaped like a witch. Yes, I have amazing fashion taste.

So yeah, it was really gross. Never again. Never, never again.

"Religion has left the room." - Cari

A couple of weeks ago, my roommates and I were feeling down in the dumps, so we whipped out a bottle of bubbly (read: Martinelli's) and plastic shot glasses.

We then took turns declaring our woes ("This is because I need a man!"), downing our shots in one gulp, and slamming our glasses on the table.

And we have a spare bottle on the kitchen counter in case of future emergencies.

And that's why my roommates are my favorites.

Speak up, sonny

Proof that I, now at the ripe age of 23, am so old that I'm practically an antique:

1. On Tuesday, Jessica made me stay up until 12:01 in order to open her present. I'm not going to lie; it was a struggle.

2. One of my birthday presents to myself was a cardigan. And it makes me happier than it should.

3. A gift I received was the game Rummikub. The only other person Priscilla has known to own it is her grandma.

4. I've been hobbling around like an old woman for the past two days.

5. My car randomly reeks of old man.

6. Some of my favorite radio stations are the ones that play the "best of the 80's, 90's, and now." With less emphasis on the "now."

7. When I see teenagers, I wrinkle my nose think, "Kids these days and their newfangled fashion. What a bunch of hooligans."

8. And, of course, there's the ol' knees. May they last another 22 years.

The Great Bambino

Priscilla, for reasons unbeknown to me, just watched the You Tube clip of Bambi's mom dying.

Priscilla: Why did Bambi's mom have to die? What happened to her after she died?
Heather: She was eaten, probably.

(later)

Priscilla: Deer are so delicious.

"Persecuting Ugly Family Friends"

I have a bump on my head from when I, um, dropped my cell phone on it.

THAT'S embarrassing.